Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Are you there?

Ok, so I am/was a Christian. I say am/was because I'm extremely upset at God right now. I know, I know...I shouldn't be this way...but it's hard for me not too. I owe thousands of dollars, my bank account is frozen, my van was pulled over for expired plates and I was given a citation, tried to get an IM and it failed, the court seems to want to give my kids to their grandparents, my gf left without saying a word-saying her leaving was to "help me"...I could go on and on. So where is God in all of this? Sitting back and watching the show, perhaps eating pop corn? I dunno. I mean, I love Him and He has got me through some wicked stuff...but it's almost like..He's not there now, I don't know how to put it. Yeah, I'm bitching, so what? Pity party..sure. But how else do I get this frustration off my chest without killing someone lol :) I say my prayers every night, thanking Him for everything...but lately, especially this past month, my life has been shit...I do not feel sympathy for anyone anymore...I feel numb. I would not be here if not for my kids. They are the ONLY reason I'm living right now (well that and I don't wanna condemn myself to Hell if I kill myself). I want off this world so bad...it almost hurts. I'm fed up with all this crap. I mean, one thing here or there no biggie. But things have been consistently nasty lately and I really see no way out of some of the crap I'm in. That and all this stuff will only kill my chances in court to get my kids back. Why do bad things happen to good people....

1 comment:

  1. It's not the challenges you endure, but how you endure them. Keep your chin up Brian.

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